Wednesday, April 06, 2005
The letter that Amy sent to Ray is the thought many of you have. I purposely left it out of the post so that you could create in your own mind what the letter said. You may have a different thought of the letter-which I am inviting you to post your own letter.
I know you are surprised to get a letter from me after all these years. What happened between us has been laying heavy on my heart lately. I felt I needed to write and try to clear somethings up, at least for me.
When we broke up, I was so embarrassed. You were trying to do the right thing and I twisted it to make it look like the wrong was right. The things that I said to you on that Sunday afternoon I regret to this day. I don't know why I said them. Hurt, I guess. I was feeling rejected because you were saying let's not do this anymore. I loved being with you kissing you, touching you, and you touching me. You are a good man, Ray Singleton. I am sorry I treated you that way.
Ray, I made a mistake when I told you that I didn't love you. Thing is I love you so much, that I hurt at night thinking about what could have been between us .
Mama tells me that you are married now and have a beautiful baby boy, Daniel. I am happy for you, Ray. But also jealous of your wife, Livy I believe is her name. She is in the place I should be in. I should have been Mrs. Ray Singleton. I think about it often and the babies we would have had. We'd have your parents house full by now with Ray, Jr and all the rest.
I do not know why I wrote today but to just let you know that I did love you and I wish I were the one being called Mrs. Singleton.
Hopefully I will see you again, maybe when I am home for a visit.
Many Regrets and All My Love,
After Ray read the letter from Amy, he slid it into his pocket. His first thought was of Livy. Ray hoped Livy had not seen the letter. Amy was the past and would remain the past. Livy had nothing to worry about.
Ray could hear his wife and neice talking in the kitchen laughing and talking about girly things, Ray calls it. Livy has brought so much joy to Ray and company to his lonely life.
Ray wanted to see Daniel if only while he slept. He was so perfect, in his innocense and love. Ray loved that boy more than he ever imagined loving his own flesh and blood. As far as everyone was concerned, Ray was this boy's Daddy. Ray sat in the rocking chair rocking looking at Daniel sleep and thought about all the years of loneliness he had experienced because of one person. Ray now knew that he had to go through that to be able to have Livy and Daniel in his life and it was all worth it now.
Livy came in and asked if Ray was alright, and he said that he missed the little man. Ray wishes that what he felt right at that moment would never go away. But unfortunitly, in the next few weeks, Ray's doubts and insecurities would prevail. It wasn't until one night that Livy set out to win her man back that Ray felt right again. Amy's letter had inprisoned Ray and he vowed that night in the after glow of their lovemaking that he had no reason to feel insecure. His feelings had nothing to with Amy, but what Amy had left-feeling of loss, lonliness, and unable to be enough.
The next morning, early while the dew was still on the ground, Ray slipped out of bed and went outside to the burning well. There he throw the letter from Amy in and lit a match. Unlike the last time Ray burned Amy's things, Ray felt free, he felt loved and he felt hope.
Ray actually prayed a prayer of thanksgiving. Thanking God for his will; Livy and Daniel would never had been in his life if he'd married Amy and that brought a lump to Ray's throat to think he never would have known Livy and Daniel or loved them. Or had their love for him.
When the letter was burned and Ray ousted the fire, he went back into the house. He went back to bed where his love and future were. He was happy and content. More than he had felt in years. It was all because of Livy and Daniel.